Still no job

I've called about the job twice, but no call back, that tells me it's time to start looking elsewhere, which is really a shame because I think I would have been a good fit with that job.

So here I am, moving again...just downstairs this time, but it's still aggravation I didn't need. 

I just finished reassuring my friend M that things are going to work out for her family...time to take some of my own advice.  I have faith things will work out...I just forget that sometimes when I get tied up in things actually happening.

Still getting settled in with Drs and such.  In a way, I'm kinda sorry I moved...I was so very sheltered, I had a support system which I don't here. P is wonderful, but he can't be my whole support structure.

At any rate, I'm waiting for the internet to be installed downstairs so I'll have it for this weekend. Nothing else exciting happening.

Job Interview

I think I aced the interview.  I did well on the typing test and they said they were impressed with me and my experience.  It's all up to the Operations Manager (who was in Dayton today).  I'm really hoping I get this job.  I love the atmosphere.  One of the companies core values is 'spirited fun'...they play games during slow times, compete for things like t-shirts. It sounds like a really fun company to work for.  The pay is decent ($9.00 an hour), and they've agreed to give me Sundays off, that way I don't have to work both weekend days.  It probably means I'll work every Saturday, which blows away the D&D game. P says not to worry about it, things will work out.

Wide Awake

Someone just tried to get into my apartment!  They went away before I could call the police, but they hit the door hard enough that it woke me up on the other side of the apartment.  Now, of course, I'm wide awake, adrenaline still coursing through my body.

Not that any night is GOOD for this, but this is the *wrong* night.  I have a job interview in 8 hours, and I need to ace it.  Finances are just too tight not to get a part time job.  This is with a well established national answering service/call center, so it's not going to go out of business on me.

P and I went out to dinner tonight to work on his character for Ironclaw.  We went to IHOP, and it was nice.  I think he's going to have a rocking character by the time he's finished.

I'm still shaking. I'm not sure what to do to calm myself down. I know I'm not going to get back to sleep.  I don't want to be half asleep at my interview.  I've also got to take a typing test, I hope I do well on that.

I'll let you know how the interview goes...

Life Goes On

I spoke to the manager, and as of Oct 1st, I have a 1 BR apartment on the first floor. That means I don't have to worry about getting home if the elevator goes out.  It also means I can't leave my sliding door open all the time for air!

She's going to give me the keys in the next few days after the renovations are complete (it's getting a brand new rug). So I can start moving small things in there.  This is good it will help establish where things go.  Since I can't be in  2 places at once on the first, I'm going to post index cards on the walls, indicating where everything goes, like Couch Goes HERE, Coffee table goes here (and the table will have one saying This side out, with an arrow). The few days extra will also give me time to set up my apartment so it's not 'backwards' again, and my desk is near the internet outlet.

The problem with the situation is going to be money. I'm on a fixed income.  After I pay my bills, I have $15 a mont to live on.  I'm going to have to rely on sources like food pantries.  When I apply for medicaid, I'm also going to apply for foodstamps, don't if I'll get them or not.

I'm looking for a part time job.  I can't work more than 15 hours without losing my disability, but a few hundred dollars a month will make a huge difference in my lifestyle, I'll be able to get a TV signal for instance, right now I can't afford TV, and I'm not sure I'll be able to afford internet.  For me, that would be a tragedy, since I'm home most of the time, losing my internet would isolate me from the world.

We'll see what happens. I'll keep the internet if I can. P is being incredibly helpful, he's wonderful. Since I do the Tigger/Eeyore thing, I've decided he's Pooh Bear, the one constant in my life.  He's very special to me, and I don't know what I would do without his friendship.

Physically, I feel better, though I'm in a manic phase and not sleeping terribly well. I took a sleeping pill last night, and I guess my body fought it off or something. I have 8-12 weeks to wait for a psych consult. I wonder if I'll still be manic then?  The longest I've ever been manic was about 6 months in 1999.  I don't want to try to  match or beat it.  But I wasn't diagnosed or on meds then so maybe this will help.

Oddly, I'm fairly calm. I know I made the right decision to come here, and even though things are frantic at this point, they will calm down.  I need to get some resume paper so I can send out my resume to local answering services and call centers.  The problem will be getting 15 hours, most places want their part-time workers to work 20, which I can't do.  Every dollar I earn over a pre-set limit deducts TWO dollars from my disability...I'd be slitting my own throat!

I wish I could go back to work full time, but even working part time is going to be a major challenge.  I can't sit in any chair but my soft recliner for any length of time, so I'll have to work between standing up and moving (standing still hurts like the devil), or sitting for short periods (no more than a half-hour).  I know the expert at my Social Security hearing said I couldn't work at all, and that makes me feel useless, a burden to society, but I'm learning and growing. I can go back to school next year (OH requires 1 year residency before getting in-state tuition), and eventually I'll have my degree in a field I CAN work in. Of course, I'll be in my 60's, but it's important to me to be productive.

In general, I'm happy. I still hurt, but usually my stress level is pretty low here (except for the past few days...wonder if that triggered my manic?)

I miss my friends in IL.  I've written back to everyone who wrote to me, in email or on Facebook.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  I'll post before the end of the month and let you know if I'll have internet after the 30th.

Ok...I wanna retreat!  Fast!  But it isn't going to happen, just have to deal with the hand I've been dealt.  Doing lots of praying about it.  My roommate bailed on me, leaving me in a 2 BR apt I can't afford.  If I can find a roommate in the next 2 weeks, I'm ok.  If not, I have to talk to the manager about shifting into a 1 BR....*if* she'll allow it....and even that is going to strain my finances.  I'll survive, and I know that the good Lord will be there to help....it's just terrifying when you're standing on a precipice of financial disaster.

I don't wish her ill, really I don't....but I wish she'd thought things through before committing to this.  I would never have taken this on if she hadn't assured me.

Other than that, my first two weeks in Cincy have had their traumatic moments.  My walker gave its last gasp when it dumped me head over heels in front of Surrey Square.  Luckily there were several passersby to help, since the darn thing had no brakes to balance me as I tried to get up.  Broke a toe in the process.  Lots of scrapes and bruises.  I look like I've been beaten pretty thoroughly....luckily none of it shows when dressed.

Then I caught a really bad cold.  I teased P that I was allergic to Cincy before I realized that he'd just kindly shared his cold with me.  I'm feeling a little better, although I haven't been able to relax and sleep tonight.

This week would have been our third anniversary.  I really felt (still feel, actually) that he's the love of my life. I've never been in love like that before, and I don't expect I'll do so again....at least not on this side of the veil.

I know things will work out the way they're supposed to but I'm not sure what the lesson I'm supposed to be learning is.

I'm trying really hard not to be despondent. I miss my friends in IL, and it's a pain getting set up with all the Drs again, but I still think in the long run, this was the right move.  In fact, I *know* it was....I just wish I knew why.  I know He'll protect and take care of me as long as I'm faithful.  That reminds me of the quote "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."

Well, don't know if I have any readers....but in case I do, you're now updated on the doings in my life. Peace. Out.

Moving Along

Well...Thursday I fell 3 times...scared the heck out of me.  Scraped my knee and pulled something in my thigh, but other than that, no injuries.

My cleaning lady came yesterday, and together we packed some boxes, swept most of the living room and got rid of a lot of trash.  I tossed everything I didn't need or didn't mean anything to me.

Now I need to start on the area around my desk...sigh.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and could barely stand, much less walk. My legs were like jelly and mentally I kept phasing out.  I got proof later as I 'went away' while eating pudding (the proof was on my garments).

So, I have to call both my regular doctor and my psychiatrist on Monday.  I'm afraid to call the crisis line because they might hospitalize me for observation.

This morning I seem fine, so, I'll see if I have the same problem tonight.

I'm also having a problem with my eyes, they've gone all smeary and I'm having trouble reading.  Can't read my lease at all have to wait til Kat gets here and have her read it.

I'm really frustrated by these particular problems, as not seeing is a major problem, especially as I learn to navigate a new city.  And, if my legs keep going to jelly at night, what happens if it expands to day time?

Anyway, mentally, I'm doing well, and I'm happy, so that's a good thing.

I'm going to treat Paul to dinner and a movie for helping me move He's so good to me. He's the one who helped me move to Chicago 7 years ago.  He's been my friend for 15 years, and he's always had my back.

Bad Day

It started this morning when I knocked over my cereal bowl and it landed on my laptop. I got milk all over my computer, inside and out. Right now I'm waiting for the keyboard to dry. Then I got on the computer for a few minutes.  When I got up, I tripped over one of my shoes and fell and scraped my leg and twisted my bad knee. Thankfully this time I was able to get up, my legs weren't as shaky as the last time I fell ( I spent 4 1/2 hours on the floor before I got to my phone.

I needed to do laundry so I bagged a load and headed to the laundry room which is at the end of our building.  I fell again just before I hit the concrete ramp.  One of the ladies I know was looking out her window and saw me fall, she came out and asked if she could help me get up, she's in her 70's and I probably would have pulled her down with me.  Well I managed to get up and she insisted on carrying my stuff.  Well, the laundry room was about 20 feet away so I just said thank you.

In the laundry room I was having trouble balancing.  I fell again, thankfully into a chair.

I'm absolutely exhausted, and I only did one load, so much for getting all my laundry done today.

I'm hoping nothing else happens today.

Feeling Better

My migraine is down to a 2 or 3...which lowers it to the level of annoyance.  My Dr gave me some new migraine meds Fioricet  and Phenergan.

I printed out my change of address cards today.  I used the paper that was supposed to be for invitations for my sealing.  It hurt, but it made sense not to waste the paper.

I'm doing pretty well emotionally.  I have accepted the reality that it just didn't work out.  I miss him, but when he last texted me, I didn't cry.

I'm looking forward to Monday when Kat arrives.  Working together for two weeks will help us get to know each other better.  Lori is coming Friday to help me organize things enough that there's a place for Kat to sleep.

Paul is coming up Friday night with his son-in-law, so we can pack early Saturday morning.

I don't know yet what Social Security is going to do about having a payee.  If I have to deposit a check on Friday, I don't know if it will post by Saturday.  I'll just keep praying that things will work out.

MIgraine

Finally gave in and went to the ER tonight.  The migraine hit a 9.5/10.  Wasn't able to find a ride, so ended up calling the EMTs.  Hated doing it since it really wasn't life or death, and my insurance probably won't pay for it, but I couldn't take it anymore.

I spent 2 hours in the ER.  The first set of shots they gave me did nothing (Toradol and Phenergan) an hour later, they gave me Dilaudid.  That's helping some.  Pain is down to a 7, and I'm going to try to sleep the rest of it off.

I hope everyone is doing well.  I've been pretty much out of touch with everyone as I stress out about the move.  Oh, talking about stress, my bp was 203/88!  That's almost 100 pts higher than normal.  Kristie mentioned that pain can mess with blood pressure, but I surely didn't realize to what extent.

Kat arrives a week from Monday, and we'll see if we can get things organized and clean.

Felt badly enough today that I didn't do laundry, so I'm going to have to sneak in and do it tomorrow even though the laundry room is officially closed.

Well, I'm off to bed, hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Doctor Report

Saw the Nephrologist today...actually, almost didn't because I'm moving but talked them into it.  They took a lot of samples, and I go for an ultrasound on Friday.  Then I go back to the Dr on the 31st.  He said my kidneys don't look that bad based on the kidney function test, but ultimately, even though it was due to a dye reaction, my dad died cos his kidneys shut down.  Also, the prospect of being on dialysis terrifies me.

Kat will be up here in two weeks, arriving just about now <smiles>.  Hopefully it will be cooler so we can get everything done....right now the heat and humidity are killing me.

I hope the Koesters are doing well, I really miss being in touch with them.  I'll look forward to them being back online when they get to Canada.

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet. Less pain today, which is good.  I go to Social Security tomorrow morning to try to get my business there taken care of.

I'm not sure to whom I am reporting since the only one reading this blog is Julie and she's offline, but when I pass out my new address cards I'll have this blog on it, and maybe someone will actually read and comment.

Stormy

I hate thunder!  I try to think of it as Angels bowling, but when it's really bad, even that doesn't work.  So, here I am after 1am waiting for it to calm down outside.

Spent most of today in bed, and will be heading back soon.  I'm still having a blast with Spotify....listening to lots of songs I haven't heard in years.  Still more though that I can't find.  Guess I'm dating myself from the pre-cd era.

Right now I'm listening to Cher, and will probably go back to bed with her playing, trying to drown out the thunder.

Not much else to say.  Wondering how the Koesters are doing.  Worrying about the move. Doing what I have to do.

Pain and Sleeplessness

Did not sleep well last night...had to get up and take a pain pill.  I hate doing that.  Finally crashed about 4am, got up at 7:30.

Didn't get laundry done again, and still can't lift my arms above my head to either color my hair or get dressed.  Hope I feel better by Church on Sunday.

Lost

The treasury dept lost my deposit.  They transposed number in the account number and my money is out there in the aether somewhere.

I had to resubmit a direct deposit form, and then, when the money magically returns from its journey, they'll redeposit it.

In the meantime, I'm waiting to make my U-Haul reservations, order checks with the new address on it and the 1000 other things I have to arrange before the move.

The heat index hit 126° yesterday....and I had to go out in it!  I don't do heat really well...something to do with a tendency towards heatstroke making me skittish (grins).

The EQP from Cincinnati called me back, and we'll have no problem getting help unpacking.  Gotta call the EQP here and arrange for help loading.  I hate asking for help, but since I can't lift more than 5lbs, I really don't have a choice.

I see the Kidney Specialist on Monday, so that's my next panic spot.  I seem to be going from one to another these days.

I remember my old shirt. It said "If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all"...and, it's true, especially in the heat!

The Koesters have left on their epic journey.  I miss them already, but as Julie pointed out, I'd be leaving them if they didn't leave me first.

I still have faith that this move to Cincy is the best thing for me.  It's just gonna be tough the first few months, but that's ok...I'm a survivor.

Depression Stinks!

I haven't done laundry in a month...I'm almost literally out of clothes to wear...what clothing I have, doesn't match.  I was supposed to get up this morning and do laundry...I didn't..I just couldn't make myself get up.

Same thing with cleaning.  This place looks worse now than it ever did. Kat arrives in 3 weeks, but I can't have anyone over in the shape it's in now...but even that doesn't give me the impetus to DO anything.

Dr Johnson took me off my anti-depressant (the old one made me fall, the new one didn't DO anything), and now I feel like I'm just wallowing.

I'm trying to get everything for the move arranged, but I'm sure I'm forgetting things.  I hate this.  I just want it over already.

Spotify

I downloaded Spotify last night...I'm having a lot of fun with it....I can create playlists that don't take up space on my hard drive. :)

I went for my lumbar MRI today. Keeping fingers and toes crossed that they find something they can fix.  I'd be willing to undergo spinal surgery to alleviate constant pain.

Of course, any surgery will be put off until after the move.

Tired and Achy

Spent 4 hours on the phone last night...long time since I've had such a long conversation.  It was nice to make a new friend.

Still trying to get the momentum going for packing and laundry.  Between the heat and the migraine, just don't want to do anything but sleep.

Kat arrives on the 22nd....I hope I mostly have things in order by then....

Awake, sort of

Didn't sleep well last night...was up and down. Doesn't help that Time Warner called me after midnight their time!

My internet is scheduled to be turned on September 6th, so I'll be incommunicado for 3 days....I don't like that, but I'm moving on a holiday weekend so what can I do.  Dish Network is coming out on the fifth, and hopefully my balcony will work for the dish, if not, we'll punt.

I'm on day 8 of a migraine.  I really should go into the ER, but can't seem to bring myself to go out into the heat to do it.   Staying in the cool, dark apartment seems to control it enough that it's  manageable.

My roommate Kat is due in on August 22nd to help me finish packing and cleaning up for my move.  Friends are great to have.  And Paul is driving up from Cincinnati with his SIL, who doesn't even know me, to move me.

I'm very lucky, and grateful.  I try not to take anything for granted.

I may take a nap this afternoon...we'll see how I feel, and I'm grateful to have the option to do that when I need to.

I guess the keynote for today is "the attitude is gratitude"

Later....
Took a nap, slept too late, missed class. Still, getting things done.  I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends who care about me.

My new roommate is coming in August 22nd on the greyhound.  Just gotta find someone to pick her up at the station.  Any volunteers?

Sigh

I almost had my post finished and Firefox ate it :(

I was wishing it were a Cat in the Hat day (the sun did not shine, it was too wet to play, so we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day)....The wet would break the heat, and the cold would be welcome.

I wouldn't have gone out if I hadn't had to go grocery shopping.  I'll be grateful to be in Cincinnati where I can take a cab home from the store!

Retread, Restart but no Retreat

The adventure begins again.  Love to hear from those who know me. Love to make new friends. Cincy here I come