Still no job

I've called about the job twice, but no call back, that tells me it's time to start looking elsewhere, which is really a shame because I think I would have been a good fit with that job.

So here I am, moving again...just downstairs this time, but it's still aggravation I didn't need. 

I just finished reassuring my friend M that things are going to work out for her family...time to take some of my own advice.  I have faith things will work out...I just forget that sometimes when I get tied up in things actually happening.

Still getting settled in with Drs and such.  In a way, I'm kinda sorry I moved...I was so very sheltered, I had a support system which I don't here. P is wonderful, but he can't be my whole support structure.

At any rate, I'm waiting for the internet to be installed downstairs so I'll have it for this weekend. Nothing else exciting happening.

Job Interview

I think I aced the interview.  I did well on the typing test and they said they were impressed with me and my experience.  It's all up to the Operations Manager (who was in Dayton today).  I'm really hoping I get this job.  I love the atmosphere.  One of the companies core values is 'spirited fun'...they play games during slow times, compete for things like t-shirts. It sounds like a really fun company to work for.  The pay is decent ($9.00 an hour), and they've agreed to give me Sundays off, that way I don't have to work both weekend days.  It probably means I'll work every Saturday, which blows away the D&D game. P says not to worry about it, things will work out.

Wide Awake

Someone just tried to get into my apartment!  They went away before I could call the police, but they hit the door hard enough that it woke me up on the other side of the apartment.  Now, of course, I'm wide awake, adrenaline still coursing through my body.

Not that any night is GOOD for this, but this is the *wrong* night.  I have a job interview in 8 hours, and I need to ace it.  Finances are just too tight not to get a part time job.  This is with a well established national answering service/call center, so it's not going to go out of business on me.

P and I went out to dinner tonight to work on his character for Ironclaw.  We went to IHOP, and it was nice.  I think he's going to have a rocking character by the time he's finished.

I'm still shaking. I'm not sure what to do to calm myself down. I know I'm not going to get back to sleep.  I don't want to be half asleep at my interview.  I've also got to take a typing test, I hope I do well on that.

I'll let you know how the interview goes...

Life Goes On

I spoke to the manager, and as of Oct 1st, I have a 1 BR apartment on the first floor. That means I don't have to worry about getting home if the elevator goes out.  It also means I can't leave my sliding door open all the time for air!

She's going to give me the keys in the next few days after the renovations are complete (it's getting a brand new rug). So I can start moving small things in there.  This is good it will help establish where things go.  Since I can't be in  2 places at once on the first, I'm going to post index cards on the walls, indicating where everything goes, like Couch Goes HERE, Coffee table goes here (and the table will have one saying This side out, with an arrow). The few days extra will also give me time to set up my apartment so it's not 'backwards' again, and my desk is near the internet outlet.

The problem with the situation is going to be money. I'm on a fixed income.  After I pay my bills, I have $15 a mont to live on.  I'm going to have to rely on sources like food pantries.  When I apply for medicaid, I'm also going to apply for foodstamps, don't if I'll get them or not.

I'm looking for a part time job.  I can't work more than 15 hours without losing my disability, but a few hundred dollars a month will make a huge difference in my lifestyle, I'll be able to get a TV signal for instance, right now I can't afford TV, and I'm not sure I'll be able to afford internet.  For me, that would be a tragedy, since I'm home most of the time, losing my internet would isolate me from the world.

We'll see what happens. I'll keep the internet if I can. P is being incredibly helpful, he's wonderful. Since I do the Tigger/Eeyore thing, I've decided he's Pooh Bear, the one constant in my life.  He's very special to me, and I don't know what I would do without his friendship.

Physically, I feel better, though I'm in a manic phase and not sleeping terribly well. I took a sleeping pill last night, and I guess my body fought it off or something. I have 8-12 weeks to wait for a psych consult. I wonder if I'll still be manic then?  The longest I've ever been manic was about 6 months in 1999.  I don't want to try to  match or beat it.  But I wasn't diagnosed or on meds then so maybe this will help.

Oddly, I'm fairly calm. I know I made the right decision to come here, and even though things are frantic at this point, they will calm down.  I need to get some resume paper so I can send out my resume to local answering services and call centers.  The problem will be getting 15 hours, most places want their part-time workers to work 20, which I can't do.  Every dollar I earn over a pre-set limit deducts TWO dollars from my disability...I'd be slitting my own throat!

I wish I could go back to work full time, but even working part time is going to be a major challenge.  I can't sit in any chair but my soft recliner for any length of time, so I'll have to work between standing up and moving (standing still hurts like the devil), or sitting for short periods (no more than a half-hour).  I know the expert at my Social Security hearing said I couldn't work at all, and that makes me feel useless, a burden to society, but I'm learning and growing. I can go back to school next year (OH requires 1 year residency before getting in-state tuition), and eventually I'll have my degree in a field I CAN work in. Of course, I'll be in my 60's, but it's important to me to be productive.

In general, I'm happy. I still hurt, but usually my stress level is pretty low here (except for the past few days...wonder if that triggered my manic?)

I miss my friends in IL.  I've written back to everyone who wrote to me, in email or on Facebook.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  I'll post before the end of the month and let you know if I'll have internet after the 30th.

Ok...I wanna retreat!  Fast!  But it isn't going to happen, just have to deal with the hand I've been dealt.  Doing lots of praying about it.  My roommate bailed on me, leaving me in a 2 BR apt I can't afford.  If I can find a roommate in the next 2 weeks, I'm ok.  If not, I have to talk to the manager about shifting into a 1 BR....*if* she'll allow it....and even that is going to strain my finances.  I'll survive, and I know that the good Lord will be there to help....it's just terrifying when you're standing on a precipice of financial disaster.

I don't wish her ill, really I don't....but I wish she'd thought things through before committing to this.  I would never have taken this on if she hadn't assured me.

Other than that, my first two weeks in Cincy have had their traumatic moments.  My walker gave its last gasp when it dumped me head over heels in front of Surrey Square.  Luckily there were several passersby to help, since the darn thing had no brakes to balance me as I tried to get up.  Broke a toe in the process.  Lots of scrapes and bruises.  I look like I've been beaten pretty thoroughly....luckily none of it shows when dressed.

Then I caught a really bad cold.  I teased P that I was allergic to Cincy before I realized that he'd just kindly shared his cold with me.  I'm feeling a little better, although I haven't been able to relax and sleep tonight.

This week would have been our third anniversary.  I really felt (still feel, actually) that he's the love of my life. I've never been in love like that before, and I don't expect I'll do so again....at least not on this side of the veil.

I know things will work out the way they're supposed to but I'm not sure what the lesson I'm supposed to be learning is.

I'm trying really hard not to be despondent. I miss my friends in IL, and it's a pain getting set up with all the Drs again, but I still think in the long run, this was the right move.  In fact, I *know* it was....I just wish I knew why.  I know He'll protect and take care of me as long as I'm faithful.  That reminds me of the quote "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."

Well, don't know if I have any readers....but in case I do, you're now updated on the doings in my life. Peace. Out.

Moving Along

Well...Thursday I fell 3 times...scared the heck out of me.  Scraped my knee and pulled something in my thigh, but other than that, no injuries.

My cleaning lady came yesterday, and together we packed some boxes, swept most of the living room and got rid of a lot of trash.  I tossed everything I didn't need or didn't mean anything to me.

Now I need to start on the area around my desk...sigh.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and could barely stand, much less walk. My legs were like jelly and mentally I kept phasing out.  I got proof later as I 'went away' while eating pudding (the proof was on my garments).

So, I have to call both my regular doctor and my psychiatrist on Monday.  I'm afraid to call the crisis line because they might hospitalize me for observation.

This morning I seem fine, so, I'll see if I have the same problem tonight.

I'm also having a problem with my eyes, they've gone all smeary and I'm having trouble reading.  Can't read my lease at all have to wait til Kat gets here and have her read it.

I'm really frustrated by these particular problems, as not seeing is a major problem, especially as I learn to navigate a new city.  And, if my legs keep going to jelly at night, what happens if it expands to day time?

Anyway, mentally, I'm doing well, and I'm happy, so that's a good thing.

I'm going to treat Paul to dinner and a movie for helping me move He's so good to me. He's the one who helped me move to Chicago 7 years ago.  He's been my friend for 15 years, and he's always had my back.

Bad Day

It started this morning when I knocked over my cereal bowl and it landed on my laptop. I got milk all over my computer, inside and out. Right now I'm waiting for the keyboard to dry. Then I got on the computer for a few minutes.  When I got up, I tripped over one of my shoes and fell and scraped my leg and twisted my bad knee. Thankfully this time I was able to get up, my legs weren't as shaky as the last time I fell ( I spent 4 1/2 hours on the floor before I got to my phone.

I needed to do laundry so I bagged a load and headed to the laundry room which is at the end of our building.  I fell again just before I hit the concrete ramp.  One of the ladies I know was looking out her window and saw me fall, she came out and asked if she could help me get up, she's in her 70's and I probably would have pulled her down with me.  Well I managed to get up and she insisted on carrying my stuff.  Well, the laundry room was about 20 feet away so I just said thank you.

In the laundry room I was having trouble balancing.  I fell again, thankfully into a chair.

I'm absolutely exhausted, and I only did one load, so much for getting all my laundry done today.

I'm hoping nothing else happens today.